I used to let feelings dictate my Yes’s.
And for a while, I let them.
If I felt inspired, I said yes.
If I felt tired, I said no.
If I felt guilty, I said yes again.
My decisions rose and fell with my mood.
One time, after months of ministry pressure and travel for panels and church events, my calendar started to look like a living thing. It pulsed with emotional decisions.
On one day I would cancel everything because I felt exhausted.
On another day I would accept three invitations because I suddenly felt strong again.
Then the burnout would return.
And the cycle would start again.
My emotions were not just informing my decisions.
They were directing them.
And they were not always trustworthy guides.
Scripture reminded me of something important:
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.” — Epistle to the Galatians 5:22–23
Self-control.
Not ignoring what you feel.
But allowing the Spirit to lead what you do with those feelings. Discernment.
The real shift for me began with one simple question.
Is this emotion real, or just loud?
Emotions are real. They deserve to be acknowledged.
But loudness is situational.
Some days grief turns up the volume.
Some days loneliness does.
Other days fear takes the microphone and suddenly everything feels urgent.
My schedule had become reactive to whichever emotion was shouting the loudest that day.
So I created a few gentle guardrails for my decisions.
Not rules to control my life.
Just structure to help my heart slow down.
And this was the structure that helped me:
- Pause
Before responding to any invitation or request, I stop.
Sometimes for sixty seconds. Sometimes longer.
I breathe. I let the emotional wave pass. That small pause breaks the habit of reacting instantly.
- Ask.
I ask myself a simple question:
“Why am I saying yes?”
Is this obedience to God?
Is this a desire for approval?
Or is this my way of avoiding the rest I actually need?
Those questions have saved me from many hurried decisions.
- Wait
Instead of answering immediately, I give the decision space.
Most invitations sit for about two days before I respond. During that time I pray and sometimes speak with a trusted friend or mentor.
Clarity often arrives when you allow time for God to speak.
- Limit
I also learned to protect my weeks.
Not more than three major commitments.
Anything beyond that must truly matter.
That boundary created room for rest, reflection, and the unexpected things God places in my path.
- Anchor in Scripture
One verse became especially important during that season:
“Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.” — Epistle to the Romans 12:2
Renewing my mind meant learning to make decisions from a quiet place with God, not from the noise of whatever emotion was loud that day.
I remember one invitation in particular.
It came just two weeks after I had recovered from a health scare. My body was still fragile. My first instinct was simple.
Say no.
Then guilt whispered quietly.
You will disappoint them.
Instead of answering immediately, I waited. I prayed. I spoke with a trusted sister who knows how to tell me the truth.
During those two days, something became clear.
The invitation was connected to a partnership that could support a healthcare initiative. A dream that had been quietly growing in my heart.
So I accepted.
I still felt tired afterward. That part was true.
But something had shifted.
I did not carry guilt into the decision.
I did not carry confusion onto the stage.
I carried peace.
Structure did not silence my emotions. It simply stopped them from driving me.
If your calendar has begun to mirror your mood swings, you might try something simple.
When the next invitation comes, give yourself two days before answering.
Pray through it.
Let your emotions speak.
But let wisdom make the decision.
Invite a trusted friend to speak into it if you need clarity.
Your time is not just something to manage.
It is one of the ways your devotion to God becomes visible.
So let me ask you something gently.
What invitation are you about to accept or decline today?
Place it before God.
Give it a little time.
And watch what quiet wisdom begins to rise.
Praying that your heart find rest in the choices you make,
With love,
Nkiruka.